Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
