I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
