I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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