I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
