you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
