some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
