i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
