I could have mohawked her pubes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
