Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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