Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
As shirtless as possible
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
