im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
