Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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