I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
