3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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