4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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