I look better un-naked...
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
