He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize