While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
