im drinking this country out of the recession.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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