The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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