His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
