I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
