Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
