yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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