Farmville is her only friend.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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