I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
The power of my boobs compel you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
