im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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