i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
