Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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