You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
im holly from the hills drunk
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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