Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
