nut hugger
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
