omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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