I seem to have left my pride at pride
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
