if you like me you must not know who I am
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
