who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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