I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize