That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
