Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
