i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
