took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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