Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
