he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
