where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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