i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i will never coherently bang her
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
