everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm sobbing to NWA
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