Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize