I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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