Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
