You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
