get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I woke up under a house in Key West
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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