Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
