# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
