Grow some girl-balls and come out already
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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