I'm going to jail i love you
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Holy shit dude........stairs
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