Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
