I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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