It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
