this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
