Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think people are normalizing furries
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