Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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