Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
