I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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