I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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