do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
