Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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