if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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