there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
