you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
